Isn’t the concept of a lawsuit to adjudicate and right a wrong? To collect for damages caused by others and they aren’t willing to pay?
This topic, actually sparked by Trumpelstilskin, had me start reading about some really ridiculous shit.
Frivolous lawsuits and serial litigation…
Over 15 million civil lawsuits are filed in the U.S. every year. 15-fucking-million!!!
Over 90% of these are what are deemed as frivolous. I think the legalese here is “bullshit.”
The good news here…wait for it…really…it’s a surprise…
80% of the world’s lawyers are in the united states. We are lucky to have such a force of “law interpreters” to handle all these important cases.
I mean, we certainly don’t want the “justice system” bogged down with murder, rape and other silly nonsensical crimes.
Like with moonshine and cheap whiskey we’re gonna feel the burn…
It all started with coffee burns on a 79 year old woman’s “pelvic region.” (Thank God there are those words to describe it.) She removed the lid of her paper coffee cup to add cream and sugar, squeezed the cup between her legs, the hot liquid responded to Boyle’s Law, the hot liquid soaked through her sweat pants and she suffered 3rd degree burns. (she was evidently, either on her way to the gym or had just gotten through with her workout)
MY EYES!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!
Stella Liebeck went through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and spilled hot coffee on herself. The attendant at the window wasn’t negligent but her attorneys argued that the coffee being served was too hot at a temperature range of 180-190 degrees. Has an attorney ever brewed coffee? That is the fucking temperature required to brew coffee!
Now poor old Stella was injured, and I don’t mean to make light of that, but it was truly no ones fault but hers. She was awarded $2.8 million!
MY EYES!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!
Starbucks only replaced my cup of coffee when my dumbass ill-fit the lid and spilled it on myself. I think the statute of limitations has run out, but I bet I could find an attorney to take my case to court for the embarrassment I suffered. I mean, Starbucks is responsible because they sold me the damn coffee, right?
Stella’s case set a legal precedence for Americans…
We can sue for anything!
- Terrance Dickson, a thief mind you, sued a homeowner’s insurance company because he got locked in the garage of a house he was burglarizing. He was locked in the garage for 8 days as the homeowner was on vacation. Poor Terrance said he only survived by eating dog food and drinking Pepsi because the garage door was faulty and he couldn’t pick the lock to get back into the house. He had a great attorney and was awarded half a million dollars for emotional anguish. For-fucking-real! I think that was a little more than he was going to get for the T.V., no?
- Kathleen Robertson sued a furniture store because she tripped over a rampant toddler and broke her ankle. She was “awarded” $80, 000. Fortunately for her, she also got to punish the kid she tripped over when she got home from the hospital because it came from her womb.
- Poor Amber Carson threw a drink at her boyfriend during an argument at a restaurant and 30 seconds later, as she was storming away, slipped on it and broke her ass, literally. (her coccyx) Fortunately she too had a great attorney and the restaurant was ordered to pay her broke ass $133, 500.
This list goes on and on with stuttering amazement.
My favorite though, before I start to rant, is this…
Larry Rutman, a Kentucky boy, sued himself for throwing a boomerang that actually worked and it came back, much to his surprise, (PBR and lawn sports don’t always mix well) and hit him in the head.
Just as Larry’s luck would have it his attorney noticed he had an insurance policy in this time of need.
The courts saw it from Larry’s attorneys perspective and “awarded” Larry $300,000 for his negligence and carelessness that caused his bodily damage.
“I paid all this insurance for a long time just in case something unforeseen like this ever happened.”
Well fuck, you redneck dumbass, please, have this donation as a gesture of our remorse for insuring your .
Serial litigators are folks slightly smarter than the aforementioned, or they just have better lawyers.
These are the folks that look for the quick buck over and over, much less honest than the guy with the metal detector on the beach.
Doug Costello, a 66 year old fella, sold an old back and white printer on Craigslist for the outrageous price of $40. Much to his chagrin, the asshole he sold it to was a savvy repeat suer. (is that another word I made up? As this unfolds s-e-w-e-r may be the better spelling to describe Gersh Zovodnik. Better stated, something that floats in the sewer.
For six and a half years Mr. Sewer had Mr. Costello back and forth in courtrooms.
The sewer said the printer didn’t work and was missing parts. Being an immigrant from the Ukraine on political asylum didn’t understand nor accept Mr. Costello’s offer to refund the $40 and decided to file a civil suit asking for the maximum $6000. He only wanted justice for people stealing his money. That’s fair, right? Unfortunately for Mr. Sewer, his case was thrown out because he had no evidence. He had thrown the printer out. Aww, poor dumbfuck.
(Insert the voice and slicked back hair of Rod Serling and the familiar music…the twilight zone…
Mr. Sewer, represents himself in all his claims and wasn’t about to let this go.
After a rigmarole of utter bullshit, wasting court time and money, the Ukrainian sewer was “awarded” $30,044.07 for breach of contract on Mr. Costello’s part.
An appeal has been filed and the clock ticks away…Mr. Sewer has filed more than 150 civil lawsuits since his arrival to the U.S. in 1987. This is, as we all know, the land of opportunity.
(here he proudly sits with the files from all the lawsuits he has filed)
My favorite serial litigator is the Cheetos colored asshole, the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, the pretentious fucktard, yes indeed, I’m talking about the “Donald”.
Trump claims we can make America great again with him at the helm.
You know he’s a brilliant bankruptcy billionaire. You know he is orange skinned with really bad hair. You know he is a liar and a bigot. But did you know one of his favorite pastimes is suing folks?
He, as I posted not long ago, has been involved in more than 3,500 lawsuits since the mid-eighties.
At the beginning of his climb in the business world he sued two brothers for having the same last name as he because they were calling the corporation the Trump Group.
He sued his ex-wife, Ivana, for breach of contract and fraud because she, allegedly ( and who fucking cares really) promised not to talk about their relationship. Perhaps he was worried the truth would be told. Ya know, the old adage, “you know what they say about a guy with little hands?”
He sued Palm Beach county for $100 million because planes were flying too close to his resort.
He tried to sue the band Earth, Wind and Fire for not being an “A-list talent” when they didn’t sellout the show his company booked at the Taj Mahal Casino. Huh? The judge in this case was sober enough to throw it out of court.
He has tried suing his own attorneys for not winning cases, and, in many instances, has refused to pay folks for work they had done for him.
He sued a Miss America contestant for saying “disparaging things” about the pageant on social media.
There are literally hundreds more vexatious lawsuits he has filed, yet he claims that excessive litigation in the U.S. increases the cost of goods and services and limits job creation.
And let’s not forget, the fucker now wants to be a brick mason and build that wall…
Let’s face it, HE IS A DOUCHEBAG.
Many states are now setting boundaries on serial litigators, aka vexation litigators, and the attorneys that provide counsel to them by having cases get a judges approval before than will be heard.
What we are looking at here is the fact that attorneys put the laws through a prism and distort the true picture of legislation and make a complete mockery of what is referred to as justice. These “interpretations” have only help to build a large part of the corruption in our country.
They’re nothing more than spin doctors that with each case afford themselves bigger houses, nicer clothes and faster cars.
Shyster is another word I like as a descriptor. Few things are more dangerous than being a courtroom as a defendant with money sucking litigators on both ends of an argument.
Ben Franklin, an amazingly quotable fella, said, “A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.”
Another great quote, though unrelated…
Mark Twain, one of my favorite egomaniacs, said, “Lawyers are like other people–fools on the average; but it is easier for an ass to succeed in that trade than any other.”
And one more from him as well…
If you know a good attorney, I have a few cases I want to file now…
I want to sue AC/DC for the Axl Rose debacle.
I want to sue myself for being an asshole.
I want to sue Donald Trump for pissing me off so much.
And I want to sue the lawyer that started this all, Reed Morgan.